Morning Buddies! Need your help; Am I wrong?
Okay, so I had a busy weekend. Picked up Brittany from West Virginia on Thursday, came back early Friday. We decorated and put up the Christmas tree. All along I had Marquis with me. My husband calls me Saturday night and said he is going to his cousins party after work! WHAT!@#$$ I’ve been with his son all week and weekend and I need a break and he’s going to a party. I was so upset don’t know what time he got home. Then on Sunday morning we’re getting ready for church he wake’s up late get’s dress and is ready to walk out the door! Wait a minute; I know we(emphasis on We) agreed to take care of his son, but he’s putting everything on me! After church he claimed he had work to do and told Marquis to go with me only to call me an hour later and say he was home! Now something is wrong with this picture. I completely turned my life all around to assist with his child and he acts like it ’s no big deal and every free minute I think I have he wants to do this and do that! I was so upset and we did nothing but argue yesterday so I left my house at 6:30 a.m. and came to work. I don’t have to be here until 8:30 a.m. but I needed a break! I hate to feel like this…but for the first time in 5 years I feel like just walking away from everything………………………………and forget eating right my diet has gone all the way down, but not worried about that because I know what to do to get it off! I thought everything would work out but it seems as if he merely wants a nanny for his son! Give me a break please……………………………………Buddies hate to rant on a Monday, but Am I wrong?
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I would be very very upset also Angela. He needs to be right there helping you all the time. No wonder you are stressed out, I would be too. When I first got with my 2nd husband, he has 4 children. On the visitations I was in charge of all of them…planning, cooking, cleaning up after. I remember being very resentful at first. We talked and started working together with the children. Maybe you can talk and he’ll understand where you are coming from? I hope so..from what I’ve seen you’ve always seemed happy with your husband. Your in my prayers today.
Girl, you are too much like me, it is like thats it, i am done but we both know we are just ranting and raving, but neither of our butts are going anywhere. you ahev a good man, and I I think you should just sit him down and be like look, I am in this “WITH” you!!! not “FOR” you. This is your child and I will HELP raise him and support you and love him like he was my own, btu as far as you doing nothing and me doing it all, well “It just ain’t that type of party!!!” I mena he sounds like a reasonable man, but he has that same syndrome that Kris seems to have, and most men I know for that fact, that they don’t have to carry their weight when it comes to the household, liek cooking and cleaning and stuff, becuase they make the money (which kris doesn’t even do that, i am the money maker, btu that is a whole nother story!!). Alot of times men just automatically take a back seat driver role when it comes to raising children and you just need to make sure he knows, that WILL NOT be the case here, especially considerign the circumstances. It will work out, and we will all be supporting you every step of the way.
ditto twinluv’s comment. you’re in it ‘with’ him and not ‘for’ him. that child needs your full attention- both yours and DH’s.
Love makes a family. He needs that time with your whole family to feel a part of it!! And DH needs to realize you can’t do everything for him!
I also agree with the comments above - sounds like you need to have a serious little chat with him and tell him how you are feeling. You are a wonderful person to help care for this special child, but you can’t be expected to do everything. You do need a break, and you do need him to help you, and do this together. =) The child is lucky to have you, and you are lucky too. I know it will work out, especially when he knows how this is stressing you out.
I’m glad you vented because your buddies are always here to listen. Love ya girl, and have a wonderful thanksgiving week!
Peace!! Jen Jen
I think DH needs a reality check for a moment. I say a talk is definetly in order. You didn’t sign up to be a supermom and DH might be oblivious to some of the details.(My spouse has to be told point blank what is wrong or right most times)
If nothing else, schedule some alone time and get outa the house for a while. Keeping you in my prayers.
PS Thanks for you last comment on my post last week, really touched my heart!
No, I really don’t think so ! You have the right to feel like that ! I’m sure you never signed on to be a nanny and that is enough to make anyone angry ! Hopefully those arguments were telling him you do not like how he is treating you ! Don’t give up , it will all work out ! Happy Thanksgiving !
Angela, I think you are completely right in how you feel. No matter how many of us here on BS feel this way, however, isn’t going to make a difference because you need to talk about this with your DH. Good luck, dear. He needs to take on his share - and that’s a big one.
I don’t think you are wrong at all, you are BOTH supposed to be in t his, not just you! Insist he do his part! Love you!
You sound right to me. Have a conversation. He needs one as much as you do! Ellen
The boy needs his father. He also needs a good mother figure (you). But bottom line, you can’t be both. I understand your resentment, but resentment will also get you nowhere. Talk to him calmly… key word here being calmly and see if you two can’t work something out. This is bound to be quite an adjustment for both of you, and he may not even realize what you are feeling, cause we both know that men can’t read our above average intelligent womanly minds. (smile)
Hugggggggggggggggggggs,
Shan
I agree with all of the others Angela. You and your Hubby need to have a talk, and he needs to know that you dont have to be there, but you choose to be there for him, and now his son too. It is inconsiderate on his part to do you like that. You had been enjoying your freedom, and now you have to re-do your schedule around Marquis. I hope that everything gets better. I am here for you my friend…Lori
Angela, I think your feelings, thoughts, and emotions that are running through you are correct and you should listen to them, not doubt them. Trust yourself. He should be thankful that he has someone like you that is willing to stand by him, perhaps you should remind him that you are his partner/friend not his nanny. Even though it sounds like you are very fond of the child, the responsibility is not yours but his. Sending you hugs, Pris
Oh sweetheart, I am so sorry you are having such a hard time at the moment. I agree with
twintluv99 I hope you can get a little you time and also clear with up with hubby. He seems to need a kick up the butt right now. Good luck Angela. HUGS